Life feels heavy,
Like I’m a burden upon this earth.
My self-worth disappears slowly,
A gilded cage I’ve lived in since birth.
All I’ve ever wanted was peace of mind,
If only someone would choose to be kind.
Instead, I find myself breaking apart,
Pieces scattered like a jigsaw puzzle
I can never seem to put back together.
No matter how hard I try,
I keep breaking again and again, forever.
Life feels empty,
Devoid of purpose, ambition, or aim.
Once, my wishes were endless,
But time wore them down.
The friction of life took them away
Until all I found myself doing was pray—
Praying away the pain,
Praying away the emptiness,
Praying away the void.
Doing things that gave nothing in return,
Just trying to survive another day.
The child in me got lost somewhere along the way,
Innocence swallowed by the chaos of living.
I learned that peace and happiness come at a cost,
And I no longer have the strength to pay for either
With a mind that cannot find its way out.
Every few days, hope visits briefly—
A few comforting words,
The smallest bit of attention,
A momentary feeling that maybe things will be okay.
Yet somehow,
I still end up not wanting to stay.
I once heard someone say,
“Don’t lose your self-worth over someone else’s choice.”
The words reached my heart,
But never quite made it to my voice.
I let everyone else decide who I should be,
Mistaking silence for independence.
I thought if I never showed my pain,
No one would have anything left to say.
No one would look closely enough to see me going insane,
No one would realize I was falling apart behind the walls I built,
Worn down by regret and guilt.
I have always felt unworthy,
Unloved. Undesirable.
Never able to hold onto something steady,
Never able to feel stable.
Life always finds a way to slap me back down.
And somehow, I always get back up again.
But lately I wonder
How much longer I can keep going
Before I run out of strength completely, beat down by the pain.
I laugh, I cry, I smile,
A smile that never really reaches my eyes,
Everyone sees a smiling face,
Behind the facade, I just wish life would allow me
A little grace.
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