If you’ve been following along, you know that the past few weeks have been incredibly rough for me. My thoughts have been darker than ever, and I’ve struggled to hold on. But my saving grace? My plants and my crafting. They have kept me tethered to this world when everything else felt like it was slipping away.
I find myself standing in the same place I did when I lost my only confidant—my grandfather—when I was a child. That place? A void, where I feel weightless yet unbearably heavy at the same time. The earth beneath my feet disappears, the people around me fade, and I am left alone in a black hole where my pain is deafening. It sounds awful, doesn’t it? It was. And it still is.
A Life Lived, But Never Enjoyed
These past weeks of reflection made me realize something—I have lived, I have functioned, but I have never truly enjoyed my life. I never took a break, even when I desperately needed one.
Like many Indian children living with their parents, I was burdened with familial responsibilities from a young age. It has been—and still is—difficult, especially when my relationship with my family is strained. People often ask me, Why don’t you just walk away? But my answer remains the same: It’s not in me to go against my principles. The very principles my grandfather instilled in me. My family is my responsibility, even when it weighs me down. Even when it’s not good for me. That’s just how it is.
Missing My Sister, Learning to Let Go
I miss my sister more than I ever thought I would. We don’t talk anymore, and though I don’t think we’ll ever go back to how things used to be, I will always love her. Every little inconvenience, every small moment—I instinctively want to run and tell her. But I can’t. I even thought about reaching out, as I always do, to fix things.
But therapy has made me realize something about myself: I have never set boundaries. I have always prioritized others’ needs over my own, suppressing my feelings until they exploded and damaged my relationships. It’s a cycle I can no longer afford to repeat.
The Power of Boundaries
If I am going to heal and survive, I need to set boundaries. With my sister. With my family. With my small circle of friends. And especially at work.
For the first time in a long, long time, I am going to take a break. A real break. I am going to step back, hand over responsibilities, and start prioritizing myself.
A Message to Anyone Struggling
If you feel like you need a break—please take one. Your mind and body will warn you when it’s time to slow down, and ignoring those signs will only lead to burnout, as it did for me.
I am finally choosing to listen. To step away. To heal.
And if you’re feeling the same way, I hope you find the courage to do the same. You deserve it.
Until next time, stay safe, stay strong, and most importantly—happy healing.
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