I’m 29. In a few weeks, I’ll be 30. And honestly? The thought of it has been weighing on me heavily. Entering my 30s feels daunting.
Lately, I’ve been replaying my whole life in my head. And all I can see are the things I haven’t achieved. No milestones, no grand successes—just a list of failures, or at least that’s how my mind insists on framing it. Maybe it’s the depression talking, twisting reality into something darker. But I can’t help but ask myself: I’m turning 30. What have I done so far? Where am I in life? And where are my peers?
Most of them are married, raising families, climbing the ladder in their careers. Me? The complete opposite. And while I don’t even want marriage or kids, it still stings. Those are considered major life milestones, aren’t they? And I haven’t reached a single one. That thought alone has been gnawing at me.
I have a career, but it’s not a great one. I don’t hate it, but I don’t love it either. I wish I could progress further—not out of passion, but just to make enough money to stop worrying about money. Because not everyone has the luxury to chase their passions. Some of us are just trying to survive.
I’ve had to come to terms with something that took me a long time to accept: Not everyone gets what they deserve in life. And honestly? I don’t even know what I deserve. I have no grand desires, no goals, no deep-seated passions, no hidden talents waiting to be discovered. When people ask me about my dreams, I have nothing to say. And they always respond with disbelief—“That’s not possible! You must want something!” But I don’t. I never have. My only aim has always been to make it to the next day. And that alone takes effort.
Just because I don’t have big dreams doesn’t mean I don’t care about my future. I still need to survive. I still need to save, invest, work, take care of my health. It’s just harder for me. But life doesn’t pause for anyone.
And now, 30 is knocking at my door, and I can’t change my past. I don’t have my future mapped out. And that’s okay. It took me a long time to believe that, but it’s true. Not everyone has goals, and not everyone needs them to live a meaningful life. You can still live a good life taking it one day at a time. I’m not saying people shouldn’t have dreams. I’m just saying it’s okay if you don’t. We’re all figuring things out in our own way—some with strict goals, some without.
I’ve spent years drowning in anxiety, comparing myself to people whose lives look nothing like mine. My career is a mess, tangled in both : office politics and world politics LOL. My family life is complicated, burdened by an unhealed childhood. My love life is nonexistent, weighed down by wounds I’m still trying to process. My social circle, which was tiny to begin with, has vanished as people moved on with their lives.
But here’s what I need to keep reminding myself: They are not me. I am not them. Our experiences are not the same. People love to say, “Don’t let your past define you,” but you know what? I do. Because my past made me. It shaped the person I am today. And after years of struggling, I’m finally learning to like myself—even just a little. I refuse to let my 30s undo that. I refuse to let someone else’s timeline dictate mine.
So if you’re struggling with the same fears and anxieties about turning 30, please remember this: No one else is you. No one else has lived your life. And it is okay to take things one day at a time. Even if you don’t have big dreams or ambitions, even if your only goal is to make it through another day—that is enough. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Until next time, happy healing.
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