It’s the end of my vacation in Canada with my sister.
I completely lost track of time.
And honestly? It’s been one of the most fulfilling vacations of my life so far.
I feel like I found a little bit of my lost self again.
The childish joys I had.
The little sister in me.
A calmer version of me.
A healthier version of me that doesn’t puke everything I eat at the slightest inconvenience.
A version of me without trembling hands from anxiety and stress.
I felt them.
I felt me.
And for the first time in a while, I see and feel a small beacon of hope.
It isn’t impossible.
I’m not beyond help.
I’m not beyond hope.
I Complete Myself
My work, my career, my social circle, my family, my relationships—they don’t completely define me.
They contribute to who I am, yes.
But they don’t complete me.
I complete myself.
I think that’s something I’ve forgotten somewhere along the way.
My sister, my brother-in-law, and my amazing nephew made this possible, and I will be forever grateful to them.
I had an entire month where I felt calmer.
At peace.
And the pure joy and happiness my nephew brought me cannot be described in words.
I don’t even remember when I last felt this way.
Finding the Version of Me I Had Lost
Somewhere along the way, I had forgotten the version of me that existed back home before all of this.
But during this vacation, I felt like a whole new person.
A person who didn’t have stress.
Anxiety.
Depression.
Responsibilities.
Burden.
Pain.
Both in and out.
For a little while, I felt free from all of it.
And maybe that’s what I needed more than anything.
Not another plan.
Not another goal.
Not another thing to achieve.
Just a break.
I Didn’t Accomplish Anything—and That’s Okay
I realize vacations end.
Everything goes back to how it was before.
Mine ends in two days.
Yet I feel like I’m going back to it with a little more hope and a little more strength.
I got a little bit of the break I had always yearned for.
Yes, I thought I would be more productive.
I thought I would learn new things.
I thought I would do things to advance my career once I got back.
Did I do any of them?
Nope.
Nada.
Not a single thing.
I feel incredibly guilty about that.
But I also know that I needed this break.
A break from my life back home.
Both career-wise and relationship-wise.
Maybe I didn’t need to be productive.
Maybe I just needed to breathe.
Taking a Break Doesn’t Make Me Weak
I’m going back knowing that I, too, can take a break.
That’s not weak.
That’s not a show of incompetence, irresponsibility, or lack of confidence.
It just means I’m human.
I’m not a machine.
And I’m not looking to run the rat race anymore.
I’m now at a point in my life where I’m willing to admit that I might be a failure in the eyes of a lot of people, including myself.
I might not be worth it.
I might be a loser.
And a lot more.
But maybe I don’t have to spend the rest of my life proving otherwise.
Maybe I can just be me.
This Break Wasn’t Perfect
This break wasn’t without its own set of hurdles.
I faced unexpected issues and pain.
I struggled to get to where I am right now.
But this break gave me something I didn’t know I needed so badly.
It gave me the courage to start accepting myself for who I am.
Just as I am.
Not the person I think I should be.
Not the person other people expect me to be.
Not the successful, productive, confident version of me I keep trying to become.
Just me.
Choosing to Focus on the Good
I saw so many places.
Experienced so many things—both good and bad.
For the good, I visited Niagara Falls—a second time, but with clear vision this time.
Other waterfalls.
Beaches.
Trails.
Islands.
A beautiful butterfly conservatory where I actually had butterflies sit on me.
Just wonderful things and wonderful places.
As for the bad?
It doesn’t matter.
I want to focus on the good.
And that’s one of the many skills I’ve started to hone since I got here.
Focus on the good. Not the bad.
Maybe that sounds simple.
But for me, it isn’t.
And maybe that’s why it feels like such a big deal.
Going Home With Hope
I’m going back home with a renewed sense of hope.
I don’t expect things—or my life—to suddenly change for the better.
I know vacations end.
I know real life is waiting for me.
My work is waiting.
My relationships are waiting.
The problems I left behind are probably still there.
But I do hope—and I believe—that my perspective towards life can change for the better.
And maybe, just maybe, my life can follow in its path.
I came to Canada needing a break.
I leave with something I didn’t know I was looking for.
A little bit of myself.
A little bit of peace.
A little bit of strength.
And most importantly—
a little bit of hope.
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